Mind you, this conversation is all paraphrased and pieced together from what I can remember, which may be a bit skewed by the shock I felt during the situation. You can ask my friends as to how true the information is. I'm not trying to paint the waiter out to be an ass, but he was an ass.Gather 'round, children, and listen to the old and ancient tale, passed down from day to day since Friday night, entitled....
THE TALE OF THE ASSHOLE WAITER *thunder crash*
Onicon was this last weekend. Out of all my con experience, it was my first one where I got to stay in a hotel room and my first one where I didn't hang out all Friday. Instead, Friday consisted of going to a school dance, not dancing at that school dance, singing, yelling about lost phones, and hanging out at the school until 11. I went with a posse that consisted of Katie (
apple_rocket ), Olivia (
battari_kakiin), Morgan (
gothicdementor), and Katie's brother and our lovely driver, Caleb. All that not-dancing and not-having-any-real-food-all-day-since-p
eople-were-just-giving-out-candy [a problem that would plague us through the weekend] resulted us working up quite an appetite, so while trying to find our way to the hotel, we go to 59 Diner to have a quick meal.
We are no strangers to 59 Diner. It's the place my friends and I go whenever we're craving something late at night. It's seen us at all hours of the day, and usually after events like going to see Rocky Horror, cons, plays, etc, sometimes in groups of 15 or more. I don't think I've had real food from there in a while, since I just ordered a malt [yeah, despite that statement earlier about candy, I did manage to cram a sandwhich down before going off to the dance for 5 hours].
We get there and we're seated at a booth. It's a 4-person booth, and there were 5 of us, so Caleb was sort of crammed between Olivia and me but I don't think he was too uncomfortable. Then our waiter comes over. He's this flamboyant gay man, probably in his mid 40s or something, and is loud and not shying away from attention of any sort.
He introduces himself and asks "Do you guys want to move to a different table? It would be hard to fit 5 plates on one table so we can move you..."
I respond saying "Oh, no I think we'll be okay cuz I know not all of us are going to be ordering... like, a plate meal..."
And the waiter stares at me and the interrupts, saying "Do you always talk like that?"
"Yes?" I respond, in some matter. I think I said it in a joking way. That or a confused way.
"Cuz it's really annoying."
8|
"Do you guys agree? Does she always talk like that? It's annoying right?"
And he keeps going. I don't know what else he said. I remember him taking drink orders, me making some come back of "I'd like to order a new waiter." him making some remark and then leaving to get our drinks. And while we had all been laughing nerveously throughout the exchange, after he left we immediately began trying to figure out
WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED. What had I said? How had I said it? Was it the way I speak? My voice is naturally at a lower register than most girls, I can't do anything to stop that. When explaining something, I tend to do that spacey thing girls do when they're trying to be awkward and cute, but not on purpose.
WHAT MADE ME ANNOYING. Of course, we didn't put too much thought into it after we shifted gears pretty quickly into figuring out what was wrong with HIM instead of me. The question continued to run through my head for a bit until I realized he's just an asshole.
He comes back around, gives us our drinks, leaves, comes back, and when he's taking our food orders, the waiter decides to pseudo-apologize. I say this, because it was more an excuse than an apology. Something along the lines of [and I love the way Olivia sounds when she immitates him] "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to insult you, you seemed hurt by what I said, I just come from a family of assholes, we're used to this sort of thing, learn from me." All in his extremely loud and annoying voice.
See, thing is, dude... I'm your customer. I'm YOUR client. YOUR pay depends on MY tip. And your tip depends on how you treat me. If you insult me like that, don't expect me to take any liking to you and don't expect a tip. I don't care if you were joking, the joke went on for too long in the 2 minutes you kept it running. I can laugh at it now because it was hilarious and completely unexpected, but in the minute you were standing there insulting me, and before you left so that my friends and I could figure out the whole WHATEVER I was hurt. And that's not how you want your client to feel.
Needless to say, he got no tip from me, even if it would have only been about $0.50
So kids, moral of the story?
IF YOU'RE A WAITER, DONT BE AN ASSHOLE OR YOU GET NO TIP. If you find a customer annoying, SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE AND TAKE THEIR GODDAMN ORDERWe spent the rest of the weekend continually making fun of the waiter. Every time anyone said something we could apply the phrase "DO YOU ALWAYS TALK LIKE THAT CUZ ITS RE
ALLY ANNOYING. YOU SHOULD LEARN FROM ME" we would say it in the gayest, most assholey way possible.
It was a fun experience and I can't wait to never see that waiter again.